Saturday, May 05, 2007

when my father said "you know better"

rebel sneakouts and harsh cussing fights,
screaming to the door, screaming all nights,
vengeance and hatred filled each part of vein,
rather drink my own blood, rather be in pain.

we hated each other, we hated to our bones,
even hated god, like "please get off thy throne!"
cause i felt he neglected me too much already,
i was so torn apart, so full of misery.

i wish i had a thrice better father, i said,
the type who showers me what i never had,
maybe just be that one to be very close,
or at least be a person who never oppose.

yes we were never pals, oh no how could we?
but look at this picture of both you and me,
we made snorting faces and there we grinned,
gosh look where we are now, where have we been?

i guess it started during school time, maybe,
when friends understood better than you could be,
and we just follow the flow, we drifted away,
until we made believe that everything is okay.

grew apart and that was never a big deal,
it's not that we don't care, we just cant feel,
but years gone by and i am now a woman,
and i want to fix it all, undo the pain and leash the demon.

such a feeling today, meeting my father,
t'was not planned but glad to see each other,
we hugged like nothing had ever happened,
ole friends we were oh my, out of that sudden!

so we started chatting and talking and laughing,
to the point where somehow i felt this comfort feeling,
that i burst a few tears about life and all,
how the world is hard and how i almost fall.

but my father just smiled and my heart just shatter—
when my father said to me "honey, you know better",
oh that was it, that was that moment i've waited,
the time i had been fighting for, and now i hate it.

i wish i am still his little girl, his little star,
i want to reverse it all, the stories we are,
i don't want to answer, i do not know better,

i need only one thing, i need my father.

2 comments:

Faridah said...

Hi Fynn,

I'm glad your poems are pouring out.In both languages pulak tu! Oh wow.Compile and I hope you'd publish them soon.Tak payah buat banyak2 dulu.Dah run out of print, can reprint.Well done!

Zoe said...

Hi MIss Fynn! It's me Zoe! One of your Students from 6 Aqua~ =P I liked this one alot! It was great! Hope I can read more of your works! KEEP WRITING! =P! ^_^